This story theme based on a submission by a reader of THE LAUGH TIME, JANICE COLE, we were unable to verify the original story source by the Author,
so we are including the original instructions, and we have added our own story content.
The original instructions are 'HOW TO CLEAN YOUR TOILET'. Since we are pretty
much game to try anything that sounds reasonable, we thought it would be appropriate
to give it a go.
1. Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the
toilet bowl.
2. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.
3. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids. You may need
to stand on the lid.
4. The cat will self agitate and make ample suds. Never mind the noises that come from the toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this.
5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a "power-wash" and "rinse".
6. Have someone open the front door of your home. Be sure that there are no people
between the bathroom and the front door.
7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both lids.
8. The cat will rocket out of the toilet, streak through the bathroom, and run outside where he will dry himself off.
9. Both the commode and the cat will be sparkling clean.
It's been a few years since anyone around here has bothered to clean our toilet and
our kitty smells like rotten fish, we decided to put this to a test and see what would
happen. Let's begin by saying, it doesn't work! We followed the above directions to the
letter too. The problem started when we attempted to find the kitty. Normally, the cat is
pretty much in to everything, like sleeping on the keyboards of the computers. I think the
kitty knew that we must have had something in mind. We finally found the cat hiding behind
a computer tower. We placed the kitty in the toilet...well we tried to anyway, darn cat was
too fat. Then we attempted to use the toilet plunger to see if we could manually force it in.
That was a BIG mistake. All we got out of that were several deep scratches, not from the
plunger, but the kitty. Anyway, the stupid cat got stuck. We tried for hours to get the kitty
out without any luck. We smeared vaseline all over the cat and tried using the plunger again
to suck the kitty out. That didn't work, so we went to the hardware store and got a few crow
bars. Well, needless to say, that was one stuck kitty. No matter how much force we applied,
that cat wasn't about ready to budge. We thought it best to call a plumber, but since
this was on a Saturday, they wanted triple the amount of money that they normally charge.
We tried to explain that our cat was stuck in the toilet to one plumber who just laughed
hysterically. After he regained his composure, he said that he wouldn't touch it for any amount
of money. However, he suggested that we just get a hammer and break the toilet. That didn't
seem logical, as a new toilet with the low flow type runs around $400.00. One of the staff
suggested that we stop feeding the kitty for a few days and see if that might help. We did that
for 5 days to no avail. Rather then having one of our neighbors calling the authorities, as the
kitty was excessively noisey, we broke the toilet apart with a hammer. That freed the kitty
alright, and that was the last we have seen of him as he darted out of an open window and
over three fences in a single leap. Then we finally found a plumber to come out on a friday to
give us an estimate for replacing the toilet. Because of the water damage, that cost us over
$3,000, and the cost of the plumber at $200 an hour for 4 hours to replace the toilet was $800.00.
That didn't include the cost of the toilet at another $400.00. The total cost of this test was slightly
over $4,000. What a deal. At least we have a sparkling clean toilet, and as far as the kitty goes,
it's sparkling clean too......we got a new one. We also went to the doctors office as our scratches
turned into nasty looking welts and none of us were feeling very well either. The doctor said it was something called 'cat scratch fever'. His bill came to around $6,000. You're probably thinking
that's what we get. Well, we aren't through with this experiment yet, the next time our toilet needs
cleaning, we'll try out the new kitty.....it's much smaller!
Thanks a lot for the submission JANICE, may you hack up a few fur balls for that one!