PAGE N FUNNY STORY "CHIMP-MAN-ZEE"
According to scientists, chimpanzees and humans share almost identical DNA. To verify this theory,
"THE LAUGH TIME" staff questioned our own un-biased authority on this issue. Well known and respected scientist Doctor MOE R. HAIRY.
"Thank you for taking your valuable time to speak with us Doctor Moe. We hear that DNA is almost the same percentage in chimpanzees as they are in humans. Is this indeed a true statement of facts or yet another example of some nutty scientists conclusion because they had nothing better to do and made up the whole thing?" The Laugh Time staff questioned. "Our guess is that you guys received a grant from the government to conduct this laughable stupid study because federal funding is always available for stupid funny projects like this. So, are we really related to chimps?"
"You are absolutely correct on both accounts. Chimpanzees and humans share identical features and intelligence.....some more than others. It should be obvious to you, since you write for "THE LAUGH TIME".....I've read your stories! DNA is a supportive factor in determining the relationship between chimpanzees and humans." Doctor Moe R. Hairy exclaimed.
"Huh, so you're saying that all humans are related to chimpanzees. We don't see how comparing DNA (DO NOT ASK), has anything to do with being related to a chimp, although we have seen quite a few people around that look like they could be. Especially at football games. Football players and fans look and act like chimps; throwing things, yelling and beating their chests. That kind of makes us wonder if in fact it is true." The Laugh Time staff responded.
"That's a tribal reaction you see. It's the same with chimps. They are territorial just like humans. Their DNA is 98.8% in comparision to a humans 98.9%. When things aren't going their way, a chimp will throw things, yell and beat their chests too. They don't like to lose either! I lived in the jungle for several years studing chimpanzees behavior. Chimps get excited and react just like humans. Although they are territorial, I was welcomed by the Chief Chimp, Arnold P. Everet, or APE for short. We talked about our relationship with one another. It turns out that like myself, all of us are Chief APE'S great, great, great, great, great UNCLE, a 'CHIMP-MAN-ZEE' if you will." Doctor Moe R. Hairy said.
"We didn't know chimpanzees could talk Doctor Hairy. Of course, we know that chimps are capable of simple sign language, but talking isn't something we've ever heard. Maybe you came down with malaria and imagined he was talking to you. Anyway, Doctor Moe, they don't drive cars, use computers or cell phones. All they do is eat bananas and swing from trees." The Laugh Time staff attempted to explain.
"You are mistaken. Chimps don't use computers or a cell phone because they can't get a signal in the jungle. They don't drive cars because there aren't any roads in yet. They swing from trees and it saves on gasoline anyway. Chimps can and do talk. You just need to listen to what they are saying first, they hate to be interrupted. Chimpanzees do like bananas and they make a fantastic banana cream pie too. They also use bananas to play sports, kind of like football, only it's called 'BANANA SQUISH'. The chimps carry a bunch of bananas to the tops of trees and chew a big wad of banana in their mouths. When another player gets too close, the chimps splatter the mouthful at them. If they run out of bananas, they are equipped with a backup system (it's a bit smelly), but it works out very well and their aim is great. "What The Laugh Time staff needs to do, is drop by a zoo and see this game played for yourself. I think you'll get a laugh out of the chimps when they play 'BANANA SQUISH' with you...hopefully, the chimps will use their backup system on you. Tell them that I sent you and say that Chief APE says that you're their great, great, great, great, great UNCLE." Doctor Moe R. Hairy grinned.
"WELL, I GUESS WE'RE ALL A MONKEY'S UNCLE AFTERALL...A 'CHIMP-MAN-ZEE'