"Madam President, I understand that you have changed your position on making Canada
a territory of the United States. Would you tell us about your recent visit to Canada and
what caused you to change your policies?" Questioned reporter I.C. Tangs.
"To begin, let's get one thing straight! You are required to address me as 'YOUR
ROYAL QUEEN HIGHNESS MAJESTIC MADAM PRESIDENT' just like my husband
Bill, got it! I am deserving of this title because I am the first woman President. When I
arrived in Canada, I was greeted by THE ROYAL CANADIAN MOUNTED POLICE. They
treated me with the ROYALTY that I am entitled. I was very pleased to meet with their
Prime Minister. I had expected problems, but to my surprise, I found him to be very co-
operative. We discussed issues with securing the border and making English the official
language in their country. Although he wasn't receptive to the idea of making Canada a
territory of the United States nor making English their official language, we agreed to
disagree. Therefore, I have decided to put that issue to rest, (at least for the time being)!
I have other policies that take top priority right now anyway." Hillary responded.
"I believe that you are absolutely the best President the United States has ever had. I
know that our border will be more secure now that you have clarified this issue with their
Prime Minister. I also heard that you learned to ride horses from THE ROYAL CANADIAN
MOUNTED POLICE while you visited. Was that a fun experience for you as well?" Asked
Miss Prissy with a wink and a nod.
"Thank you for noticing that I am the best President ever." Hillary nodded and winked
back. "I feel the same way myself. I have the best policies of any President in the history
of the United States. The Prime Minister and myself got along splendidly, we resolved to
be the best of friends and work together on solving the border issue. It was exciting to learn
riding techniques, especially from those professionals."
"What! That's a bit much, I heard that you are afraid of horses. That sure sounds like a
planted question if I ever heard one. I thought you stopped doing that during your campaign
for President. You must do that because you don't have an answer for a genuine question!
Of course, if you were to pay me enough, I'll ask you a question that you would be able to
answer too." Interjected I.C. Tangs.
"Oooops, I think I've done it again. I promise not to do that again, trust me! Actually, if
you must know the truth, I know what horses look like and THE ROYAL CANADIAN MOUNT-
IES showed me one up real close. They use horses to save on gasoline. In fact I am going
to require that all law enforcement agencies in this country follow the Canadian lead on this
issue. I think it's a great way to conserve on energy." Hillary blushed with glee.
"I don't quite saddle up to that idea. That seems slightly insane to require all law enforce-
ment in this country to use horses. I kind of wonder if your head is full of hay. That would slow
everything to a trot! I don't see how that would work out your ROYAL-NESS. In the event of an
emergency, law enforcement wouldn't be able to respond fast enough. For an example, if a
car thief was being chased, how in the world do you figure that a horse would be able to catch
up to it?" Reporter I.C. Tangs quizzed.
"That's easy, I'll just make it a law for car thieves to stop stealing cars. I could also make
it a felony if gas stations sell gasoline to a car thief. Anyway, it's already a felony to evade
police officers, so I don't see any problems." Hillary snapped back.
"I heard that you just passed a law allowing illegal immigrants to get a drivers license. I
thought you wanted to put a halt to illegals coming in to this country! That doesn't seem like
a secure way to enforce your original position on illegal immigration. You are certainly wishy-
washy on your own policies. Do you ever think before you say or do something, or just make
stuff as you go along, like those morons at THE LAUGH TIME, with their stupid jokes and
strange sense of humor?" I.C. Tangs retorted.
"Well of course, I think about stuff all of the time. Just like right now, I thought up an answer
to your question. It would be impossible to enforce immigration laws. So I figured that by allowing
the illegals to get a drivers license, I won't have to deal with that issue any longer. It will make
them happy to get one and then I'll pass a law so that they can vote for me in the next election!"
Hillary stated matter of factly.
"National security issues should be your top priority. Where is the logic in giving illegals the
right to drive a car. Are they going to be given a written test and have to pass a driving exam before
they get a license?" I.C. Tangs glared.
"First of all, let me clarify this issue, I didn't say that by allowing them to get a drivers license
that they could drive a car. They do that without one already, secondly, there will be a test! If
they can figure out how to unfold and refold a road map properly, that should be good enough.
I have a heck of a time doing that myself. The tests are about as hard the ones we have now for
legal citizens. It's a great idea for all of the illegals as long as they aren't from some other planet
....like Mars. I suppose that might cause a problem. Who knows what kind of evil thoughts those
aliens might have in mind, probably something spacey I'd bet. So I definitely won't allow aliens
to get one, at least not until they can learn to speak English!" Hillary muttered.
WHOA THERE: IT'S TIME TO REIN IN THE REIGN