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MORE STORIES.aspx FUNNY, HUMOR, LAUGHS MADE-UP SHORT STORIES AND CARTOONING BY THE LAUGH TIME ON THIS PAGE: 'GLOBAL WARMING ESCALATES', 'MASSIVE DEPRESSION HITS THE U.S.' PLEASE SCROLL DOWN MORE FUNNY STORIES CONTINUES "GLOBAL WARMING ESCALATES" COW FLATULENCE ON THE RISE RESEARCHERS AT U.C. DAVIS FIND A SOLUTION TO CONTROL NOXIOUS EMISSIONS IN COWS. 
In a heated argument between Mrs. Dee Cow, with her daughter 'De-Caff' and professor G.I. Smeltit; Mrs. Dee Cow said," I am deeply offended. What do we cows have to do with global warming? I think that's a lot of bull. How dare you place the blame on us, it's udderly ridiculous. We do our best to bring you a quality product and this is the thanks we get. What kind of a joke are you trying to pull off here? Scientists came to an outrageous conclusion that we are responsible. You probably herd this from some factory polluting anti-milk, lactose intolerant corporation fanatic. It just turns my stomachs to no end!" "I didn't mean to curdle your day Mrs. Dee Cow, "Professor G.I. Smeltit exclaimed, "personally, I enjoy a refreshing glass of milk. Believe me when I say that almost all researchers stand well behind you. What scientists discovered however, is a direct correlation between noxious levels of methane gas emitted by cows that is contributing to global warming." "We cows are well groomed, we watch our hygiene and our diets," Mrs. Dee Cow mooed. It just grinds my cud to no end that we are being falsely accused while we are outstanding in our fields!" "Hay," sniffed professor G.I.Smeltit, "honestly, it smells like a barnyard out here. I think that you are in denial on this issue." "You just want to put us out to pasture, don't you?" A shaken Mrs. Dee Cow stomped, "I'm so upset about this whole thing that I'll probably be cranking out buttermilk for weeks! What do you want from us anyway? We give and give day after day, night after night. I think this whole thing is a pile of manure! I've lost my sense of humor about this matter and I don't think this is at all funny. "There, there, Mrs. Dee Cow," consoled professor G.I. Smeltit, "We have developed a device that will eliminate all of those noxious emissions exiting you and polluting the environment. Please allow me to attach this device to your tail end." "Hold it right there professor G.I. Smeltit, don't corral me. I won't be prodded like some piece of cattle, "exploded Mrs. Dee Cow, "I will never wear that contraption. You're really a gas professor, I think you need to try that on yourself first, she tooted in passing, accidently kicking over a bucket of milk." "You're really milking this for all it's worth aren't you Mrs. Dee Cow," said professor G.I. Smeltit. THE MORAL OF THIS STORY IS; AS THE OLD SAYING GOES... "YOU CAN LEAD A COW TO PASTURE BUT YOU CAN'T DO A THING ABOUT THEIR PASSING." OR WAS THAT? "THERE'S NO USE CRYING OVER SPILT MILK, WHILE YOU'RE PASSING." FUNNY STORY "MASSIVE DEPRESSION HITS THE U.S." SCIENTISTS ALARMED AT EARTH'S ROTATIONAL FIELD 10/02/2007 RESEARCHERS SUGGEST ILLEGAL IMMIGRANTS ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR A MASSIVE DEPRESSION IN THE UNITED STATES! ACCORDING TO DR. INUIT, CHAIRMAN OF NASA, (NOT A SURE ANSWER) RESPONDED, "OBVIOUSLY, OUR CANADIAN AND MEXICAN BORDERS ARE NOT SECURE. THIS IS NOT A JOKE, WITH THE MASSIVE INFLUX OF ILLEGAL IMMIGRANTS IN THE LAST FEW YEARS, I AM NOT SUPRISED. THE PROBLEM PRESENTS ITSELF WITH THE PLANET EARTH BEING SUBJECT TO STRETCHING. THE MORE PEOPLE IN ONE PLACE ON THE PLANET, THE LESS DENSE THE EARTH'S CRUST, THUS CREATING A DEPRESSION. TO STATE THIS SIMPLY, IT IS FAR TOO MUCH WEIGHT IN ONE PLACE. IMAGINE, IF YOU WILL, PULLING A SHEET OF FABRIC TAUT AND PLACING A BOWLING BALL IN THE CENTER, BASICALLY WHAT WE HAVE HERE IS A LARGE WASH BASIN IN THE CENTER OF THE UNITED STATES!" PROFESSOR LESTIN LERND, FROM U.C.L.A., (UNCLE CHARLY'S LOST AGAIN), STATED; "I WOULD DESCRIBE THIS MASSIVE DEPRESSION IN THE CENTER OF THE UNITED STATES AS A HUMONGOUS CRATER, AS IF CAUSED BY A METEOR IMPACTING THE EARTH, JUST LIKE THE ONE THAT CAUSED THE EXTINCTION OF ALL THE DINOSAURS." DR. E.LIEUS, DIRECTOR OF F.E.M.A. (FAT EMUS MIGHT ATTACK), SAID, "THE EARTH IS LOSING IT'S ORBITAL POSITION DUE TO THE EARTH'S CORE BEING SHOVED OUT OF SYNC. WE ARE ALSO EXPERIENCING A SHIFT IN THE EARTH'S CLIMATE AS WELL. WE CANNOT ALLOW THIS TO CONTINUE! I AM ORDERING THE FOLLOWING DIRECTIVES: ALL PEOPLE LIVING IN THE CENTRAL UNITED STATES MUST QUICKLY MOVE TO THE NORTH BY 1,000 MILES; THE PEOPLE RESIDING IN THE WESTERN UNITED STATES NEED TO STAY WHERE THEY ARE AND NOT MOVE FOR THE NEXT 54 DAYS: PEOPLE RESIDING IN THE EASTERN UNITED STATES ARE DIRECTED TO MOVE 5,000 FEET TO THE SOUTH; PEOPLE LIVING IN THE SOUTHERN STATES ARE ORDERED TO MOVE TO THEIR RIGHT BY 6,000 MILES; ILLEGAL IMMIGRANTS ARE TO LEAVE THIS COUNTRY IMMEDIATELY! WITH EVERYONES COOPERATION, THE PLANET SHOULD STABILIZE WITHIN 60 DAYS." "THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER. IN ORDER FOR THE PLANET TO HEAL PROPERLY AND FOR THE CORE OF THE EARTH TO POP BACK INTO PLACE," PROCLAIMED DR. M.I. TRITE, OF THE E.P.A., (EVERYONE PETS ANIMALS), "IT IS IMPERATIVE THAT YOU FOLLOW THESE DIRECTIVES EXACTLY OR THE RESULTS WILL BE CATASTROPHIC!" |
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